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jackhardy
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Name: Sean
Country: United States
State: California
Metro: Berkeley
Birthday: 7/2/1987
Gender: Male
Interests: Ex-Girlfriend, Friends, Family, Taekwondo, Reading, Writing, Computer Gaming (I'm a dork), Learning, Playing Guitar, Living
Expertise: Lying, Laughing, Smiling, Reading, Writing
Occupation: Student
Industry: Education/Research
Message: message me
Member Since:
7/10/2003
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| friday i have biology 1b and physics 7c
saturday i have engineering 36 and engineering 77
monday i have chemistry 1b
i'm
sick of studying... people who know me know that i hate studying... and
the only people who read this are those who know me... so iono what my
point was... but ugh. i dun want to take finals. i just wanna go home.
hang out wif kenny and jeff and anyone else who wants to hang out with
me. i just want to have a good time and relax and be with people and
maybe make people feel better. i feel like if i could relax all the
drama that other people have would be solveable because i'd be capable
of helping... but right now i'm just feeling a teensy bit stressed...
who reads this shit? | | |
| I copy/pasted this from my lj, just figured I'd cover my extensive audience base...
So school is ending soon! May 15th is my last day of finals, and I
should be back home the 16th sometime. I plan on sticking around in MB
for about a week... or exactly a week, then I'm off to Texas to intern
for a computer programming company for a month. I'll return from there
june 23, stay at home for 2 weeks or so, and nathan and i will fly off
to europe, where we will travel to: england, france, spain, morocco,
italy, austria, germany, and the netherlands. Then i'll be back at
berkeley to take my first semester of my sophmore year: korean 1A, TA
for low intermediate taekwondo, chemistry 3a (the 'dreaded' organic
chemistry), engineering 45 (properties of materials), physics 7c
(relativity and optics), an R1B (probably like celtic studies or
something silly), and a decal on manga/comic/graphic novel writing. Oh
yeah, to all those who don't know, I've started writing a manga/graphic
novel. the first chapter is currently being illustrated by a fellow
berkeley-ian, and i'm really excited to see how it's coming along, I
get to check it out tomorrow. it's about assassins, and anyone who got
to read the first chapter of "the guild" would sorta know the bare
bones of what's going on, although I changed a lot of things. once some
of it gets done and inked and scaned, i'd love to show it off. | | |
| I think one of the biggest questions that runs through my head is "What
is ____ thinking about?" I suppose it's a bit more egocentric than that
at times, mostly it's more like "Is _____ thinking of me?" The blank
gets filled with all sorts of names, old friends, new friends, ex
girlfriends, relatives, acquaintances; I wonder if anyone thinks about
that too. Sometimes I wonder whether or not I'm the only one out of my
old friends who wonders how the others are doing. I wonder if people
remember me, or care. It's sort of weird to think about. I feel like
I've been isolated from people who are supposed to know me, and I've
been up here at Berkeley with a bunch of people who can't ever know me
as well as those who are far away. I feel so detached, severed.
Fucked up.
I had a bad dream last night. It involved my ex girlfriend telling me
she loved me, but me finding out it was a lie. Then another ex
girlfriend showed up and said she wanted to hang out, but that was a
lie too. I feel sick.
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| Hey everyone. I started classes today. Well actually, my first class
was to be at 8 am, but it was cancelled (i wasn't told), and my class
after that from 10-12 was cancelled too. So i guess i'll just sit
around here until my day actually starts.
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I'm leaving to go up to berkeley tomorrow. I won't be home in Manhattan Beach again for four months, unless someone has a really good reason for me to fly home at a random time inbetween.
So I'm pretty excited about going back up to school. I do miss all those people at Berkeley. I definitely miss having stuff to do, and having a set schedule. I'll have a busy semester ahead of me, with bio, chem, physics, 2 engineering, and taekwondo classes waiting for me.
However, I don't feel well right now. Physically I'm okay, maybe a little sick, but emotionally I'm a little messed up, and I'm not sure why. I think it may have to do with me leaving home behind. Before, I'd get to see all you manhattan beach/south bay people in a week weeks, a month, maybe a month and a half. But this time, I'm gone for 4 months, a third of a year. And when I do come home in mid may, I'll only be around for a bit until I'm off to Korea. then berkeley. thanksgiving break, 2006 anyone?
So i feel strange, a bit distant, a bit sad. I find it all kinda funny too. I wonder if people miss me, or will miss me around here. I've come to realize that as far as friends go, i've had the friends that can still care for each other without seeing each other or hanging out often. But sometimes i wish that were different. Sometimes i wish i had the sort of friends that would drive up to berkeley, or the kind that would call, or send emails. Dunno.
I feel weird.
Sometimes I wonder whether or not I can do what I want to do with my life. Sometimes I feel like all that I'm really living for is to finish what I need to, cure the things I want to cure, and then I can be done. But if all I really have is my dream of doing something great, what happens if I don't accomplish it? Sometimes people ask me, "Are you sure you can do all that?" And so far I've looked them in the eye and said something along the lines of, "Yeah. Hopefully."
Lately, however, I'm beginning to wonder. In a sense, I'm not terribly special. There are people smarter than I am, nicer, better looking, etc. There are also people who are worse off when it comes to those things. I don't know if I'm average, but no one would argue that I'm the smartest person my age. What would allow me to accomplish such a great task as the one I've set for myself? Why hasn't someone else already done it? What if someone does? Self-doubt usually gets swept under the rug, as I'm usually busy enough getting to where I need to go that I don't spend time thinking about whether or not I can make it there.
Everyone is in college now. I should go back too. It is lonely here.
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